Merry Christmas

I just want to wish all my friends, family and any readers that I may have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I just got my internet back so I will be posting more regularily again... I am so sorry for all the long lapses between posts but its been a rough little while! My fingers are crossed for a better new year!

Appology for not posting...

I just want to appologize for the lack of posts over the last little while. Unfortunately shortly after I decided to start up my blog again I lost my connection to the internet. Very frustrating I tell you! LOL! But never fear I am getting it back up and running very soon (like in the next few days hopefully) so I will be able to get myself back on track with all my online responsibilities that I have been unable to keep up with. So please have some patience and I will be back to rambling soon!

A Thought to Ponder....

As I was growing up my mother always told me I was born into the wrong era. Then I had people tell me that I had an old soul. I always sort of knew what that meant or at least had a basic understanding of what people were saying when they told me that, but the other day curiousity got a hold of me and I decided to look up old souls on the internet. That is where I stumbled upon a blog written by Steve Gunn talking about old souls.

I found his blog to be very intersting especially when I stumbled across his list of key signs of an old soul. I found this list to be very interesting because I could relate to every key on it. Here is the list:

The key signs of an old soul

· Giving and caring often putting others first

· Had a difficult romantic life often with much pain and disappointment

· More than likely had a soulmate relationship

· Things just seem to happen to you and around you, often becoming very dramatic through the seemingly extreme reactions of others

· Events repeat themselves

· Have trouble connecting with your family

· Somehow know you're different

· Have some psychic intuition and 'just knowing' things

· Find that you have deeper emotions and passions than most people

· People have extreme reactions to you - some just adore you and some seem to really dislike you yet you behave the same to everyone

· Have an inner creative passion

· Suffer lots of jealousy

· Often perceived wrongly

· Feel your don't have much free will, like your life is being controlled by some outside force

· Often feel 'stuck' like events just keep on happening to you time after time

Now not every key mentioned above relates to my every day life, but I can relate to them all from one point in my life or another. When I read that list I was thinking to myself "that is me! that is me!" Nothing could have so close to pinning me to a tee as that list. And from that list and other things that Steve talks about I have come to a better understanding of what an old soul is as well as to who I am as a person. It has also intrigued me to look into the topic more to see what else I can find out about myself and of being an old soul.

This is a new interest of mine so if you have any related sites or blogs that you think would be of interest to me please forward them on and I will gladly take a peek. This is definately something I want to continue looking into to see what else I can find out... I know I have only touched the tip of the iceberg and would like to dig a little deeper.

Giving Credit Where Credit is Due...

Well today I was sitting here and decided that since I have returned to my abandoned ramblings that to get back into the groove and to feel good about the place I lay my inner thoughts I needed a change. Don't get me wrong I loved and still do love the old layout that I had but that was me as a past rambler not here in the present.
So to help with the changes that I was looking for I turned to a wonderful friend that has always come to the rescue when I need a design or even help with my own dabblings in the world of creativity. Thank you Jacquelyn (aka SugarnSpice) for the great job you did on making my rambling world so beautiful! I love it! I love it! I love it!
Now I can ramble on and feel good about the place I leave a piece of myself every time I type a key....

Dreams, Dreams Go Away, Don't Come Back Another Day

I don't even know where to begin with this. All I know is that my dreams are coming back and I don't want them. I thought I had managed to push them into the furthest corner of my subconscious in hopes of locking them away forever.
You are probably thinking "Why is it such a bad thing to have dreams?" Well to you dreams may not be that bad but to me having a dream is one of the most terrifying things I can have happen to me. When I dream it brings out the twistedness of my mind, the cold sweats and a terrifying feeling within my whole being.
I don't even know how or where to begin to explain my dreams. I can start by saying that my dreams are not those of a normal person where they dream about love and goals or who they aspire to be one day. No I could not be that lucky and have what I consider to be normal dreams. I know I don't believe in the word normal but that is the only way I can think of explaining what my dreams are not.
My dreams may come the instant my head hits the pillow or not until I am almost ready to wake up but either way they terrify me, confuse me and drive me crazy to the point I have become an insomniac in hopes of making the dreams go away. I had succeeded for a while and then under a time of stress they had come back. Not as often but they were there and just as vivid as always. There to terrorize me and remind me that I don't always have the control of my being that I sometimes think I have. Then I managed to rid of them again. Back to my dreamless sleeps. Back to feeling somewhat normal, somewhat at peace.
And then it happened. I had a dream. But this time I am not sure what to make of this dream. It doesn't have a story line like most of mine do. It's not as detailed like most of mine are, nor as vivid. But it was point blank there and has caused me to ponder and wonder and make me think there is more to it than what meets the eye.
You see I don't dream unless there is a reason. And I definately don't dream about him unless there is something my dreams are trying to tell me. I don't know what to make of this dream or what its purpose is. All I do know is that from past experience I cannot ignore this dream. I need to find out what it is trying to tell me so that I can make some sense of it.
You see the person that I dreampt about is more than just any person to me. He is my soulmate, my best friend, the other part that makes me feel complete. And with that being said comes with all that a strong bond and connection. We are linked emotionally, spiritually, completely.
Well I can sit here and drive myself even more crazy trying to think of a reason this dream came to me but for now it will do me no good. The answer will hopefully come to me and hopefully soon and without many more dreams. For now I will have to just accept that I had this dream and let it all play out and see what happens from there. So for tonight I am just going to say goodnight and head to bed and wait for the answer that I seek with the dread of the possibility of having another unwanted dream.

An Inner Thought....

Have you ever sat and wondered why? I have many times. For many different reasons. Yet I don't always get an answer to my why. Maybe one day I will. One day I hope to find the answer to my why and then be able to understand.
This "why" is very personal and is a part of my very being. I ask myself why it is so hard to find a true love that will stay with me. To share with me a life of love and honour and commitment. Of friendship and trust and passion. Of the great and the bad and the indifference. To share my heart and my mind and my body and soul. Everything that I have to offer.
I seem to be good enough for part but never the whole. To play and pretend but never for real. Never forever. Never as a happy ending.
Just tell me why and maybe it will no longer hinder me and who I am. Who I want to be and who I will become. Just tell me why so that I can fill the empty void within me.

Very Frustrated and Feeling Used....

I just don't understand what the problem is. Why all of a sudden things have changed. I was so excited to have you back in my life and things were going great between us. I knew and accepted that there are limits to the thing we have going on, but this is just crazy. I don't understand why after what I had done for you you are treating me this way. I just don't understand how hard it is to say hello or hey or just a simple message back letting me know you are still there.
You told me that you didn't want to ruin a good thing yet I am wondering how good you actually think it is. I feel used and played and just totally frustrated with how things seem to have played out. I am starting to think that it was just a too good to be true moment or something for you until something better came along. Is that what it was? I would really like to know. Well I hope that you can come to your senses soon and realize that I deserve at least an ounce of respect and consideration through all this, and if you have changed your mind as to what you want from me then at least be man enough to tell me.
I really like what I thought we had going on and really don't want to end it but I will not be treated like this. Above and beyond the crap we are still friends and friends don't do this to each other.
I hope you find it in yourself to be man enough to give me answers. I can only be patient for so long before I give up and write off to the whole thing and say be done with it.

Just Some Rambling...

It has been 1o years since I have last seen you or even heard your voice and then the other day you literally pop back into my life. It is like nothing has changed... we have picked up where we left off. The energy is still the same and you are still able to make me feel the way you did all those years ago. Yet you are many miles away and I wish you were near. Over the years you have never been a memory forgotten, many times I have wondered where you were and what you were up to. You are someone that has always held a special place within my heart, kept locked away to be cherished forever, never to be forgotten. Just the mention of your name and memories come flooding back to me. Moments we had shared over the course of time... always putting a smile on my face and keeping me wanting moreI have always felt that a strong connection between two people is there for a reason. Sometimes the reason is unknown but yet you cannot fight it nor do you want to. I sit here and think about all the things we have said and done and wonder what there is to come. Back then you were able to open me up to new ideas and possibilities, stretching my heart and mind beyond its abilities... and here I find you doing it still leaving me wondering who I really am and what I am truly capable of. You are a shining light in the darkness of my lonely existence.
~yours in all sincerity~
Me

Robert Lost his first tooth

I am a little late writing about this but on Monday Robert has lost his first tooth! I am such a proud mama! Here is a pic of him with the new hole in his mouth! LOL! And of course he is all happy cause the tooth fairy was very generous and gave him $5 for it! LOL!