Taking a break...

I want to say sorry for not posting regularily lately. I have decided to take a break from working on this blog and work on switching things over to my new blog that was designed using the beta. Once I get it up and running then I will be posting more regularily.

"I don't want to!"

I am really tired of hearing those words! My niece is turning two very soon and we are getting a really good preview of what the terrible two's are going to be like! I don't like it at all! She is definitely very different from the way my son and my nephew were when they were her age! Her mother has actually asked if we can ship her away for a year! (kidding!) We have dealt with nothing other than "I don't want to" especially when it comes to going to sleep. She is actually so stubborn that she will stay awake for hours when she is supposed to be sleeping! Last night she woke up at 1:30am and didn't go back to sleep until 5:30-6am! Man was she a crank today! We are also dealing with shrieking for no reason, her throwing her food all over the floor when she wants attention or if she isn't in the mood to eat... you name it and she is doing it. She is a little girl that tries to run her own world and it is hard to get her to realize that it won't always go her way! She is cute and I love her to pieces but I miss the quiet little baby that she used to be! She is truly a high maintenance diva!!!

Finally!

Finally I can access my blog! I am sorry for not posting lately but I have been having trouble logging into my blog since Blogger decided to launch the new beta. Who would have thought that Blogger and Google were going to merge and mess up how I log onto my blog! Well since I havent been able to log onto here i have decided to open a new blog using the new beta to see if it is any better. Well there are things that i do like but there are things that are frustrating there too... so before i move this blog over there I am just going to continue quietly building the other one and also posting here... so if I am not here for a few days you know where I am.

Thursday Thirteen #3

13 Things From My Past...

1. I used to be a strong member in the pentecostal church but am now questioning my faith in churches. I will always believe in God but have lost all faith in organized churches since the church that I had called home for so long betrayed me when I needed them the most.
2. When I felt betrayed by my church I strayed to the wrong side of the tracks and ended up smuggling coccaine into England. Was lucky enough to not be charged for it and I can't believe that I actually did it.
3. I suffer from depression and have felt betrayed by many in whom I thought were close friends that would be there forever. It seems that I am not allowed to do wrong but they are.
4. I have been engaged 5 times but have never walked down the aisle. Just have really bad taste with whom I fall in love with!
5. I suffer from insomnia because I need to drain my brain before I fall asleep to keep the nightmares away. Have had continuous nightmares since I was a kid. I had one that I couldn't get rid of until I was 20.
6. I don't remember my biological father. He was not allowed to be part of my life since I was 4.
7. My father was killed by lightening when I was 10 or 11... I still remember the day my mom found out.
8. I met my fathers side of the family when I was 20 and learned that I had a half brother and sister... they are great
9. I didn't start experimenting with drugs and sex until I was 19... never thought I would touch drugs (don't really any more) and always thought I would wait until marriage to have sex... now I am a single un-wed mother
10. I used to skip school to hangout at the pool hall since I was always ahead in my classes... became a really good pool player! *lol
11. When I was 6 I dented my kneecap when I tried to climb the kitchen counters to get something out of the cupboards... had to take the whole cupboard door to the hospital with me attatched to my knee... it took eighteen stitches and I still have the scar
12. When I was in grade 3 we lived in Toronto and a girl in grade 4 wanted my earrings and when I wouldn't give them to her she pounded my head against the brick wall outside. The school, parents or police wouldn't do anything about it so my mom and my nieghbour would take turns walking me to school and sitting in the playground.
13. When we were kids my sister who is 3 and 1/2 years younger than me would pick on me and beat me up... my mom would tell me to hit her back or whatever but I said that I couldn't because she was my sister... it took me four years and many times of her pulling on the bobbles in my hair and letting them go that I finally stood up to her and hit her back... i took the biggest hardest book I could find and hit her over the head with it... my mom was so proud of me! *lol*

*note* I have made many mistakes in my past but I have used them as learning experiences to shape who I am today.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

1. e
2. Kailani
3. Deanna
4. Jenny Ryan
5. Benson659
6. Nancy
7. Kelli
8. Kristarella
9. Southern Girl
10. Something's Missing
11. TC
12. Nicole (the great)
13. Barbara
14. Lyn
15. Dane Bramage
16. Mama Duck
17. Zoe
18. You Could Be Here!



Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Thursday Thirteen #2

Thirteen Things I Do To Relax



1... Browse on the internet... I find it very relaxing to chat in the forums that I belong to, read and respond to my emails, chat to my friends on messenger, post my blogs and do anything on the internet! There is so much you can explore through the internet that it is fun, relaxing and very enjoyable
2... Sing!... Yes I love to sing! Whether it be singing along to the radio or a cd or just belting out a tune alcapelo it is not uncommon to hear me sing a tune.... I even use singing to the kids as an excuse to work my singing voice!
3... Write.... I like to write whether it be a letter to a loved one or an entry in one of my blogs or a peom or whatever I find writing to be a great way to relax. As a person that suffers from depression I find that once my thoughts are put down on paper (or on the computer) it is easier to move on in a more relaxing manner.
4... Knit/Crochet/Cross stitch... I am very artsy and creative so being able to use those abilities is very relaxing for me... it is not uncommon to see me working on a project or in my son's scrapbook late into the night. I just get lost in what I am doing and find it an easy way to unwind.
5... Play the piano... I may not be the best but I have always loved the piano and even though I dont have the space for my ever wanted baby grand piano I do have a nice keyboard tha suffices and lets me get lost in the feel of the music that I play.
6... sit in a dark room lit up with as many candles as I can find reading a really good book.... I havent had the time to do this in a long time but it is very relaxing and once again can last late into the night!
7... Cook/Bake... I LOVE to cook! The more people I can cook for the better! When we had another family living with us, putting 3 families under one roof, there were 11 people to cook for. Everyone hated to think of where to begin but I was just in heaven! It has to do with the fact of knowing that many people were satisfied by and enjoyed the meal that I put infront of them!
8... Go for a walk.... There is nothing like going for a walk to wind down and relax. I find that if I am stressed or busy and take the time to go for a walk I am able to see the good things that surround me and the fresh air relaxes me enough to think with a clear uncluttered head.
9... Talk to Myself... You may think it is funny or deranged that I am admitting that I talk to myself but it is something that I have always done! Once again as someone who suffers from depression it has been something that works for me when I need to clear my head to be able to proceed in my day. Once you say something outloud the thought is moved to another part of the brain and then you dont worry about it as much... or at least that is what I tell myself and it works. So if you ever meet me and find me talking to myself I am not crazy... well maybe a little, I am just doing what I have always done! *lol*
10.. Watch T.V. ... I have always enjoyed watching t.v. to relax. It isnt one of my best ways to relax and does take longer for my body and mind to wind down but when I am really interested in the show it does work! I will admit though that I am not a big t.v. watcher even though it is on all the time... I am so used to hearing the t.v. all day while the kids have it on while they play that it has become a soothing background sound as I complete the tasks that I am doing.
11... Watch my son sleep... If I am depressed or stressed I find watching my son sleep peacefully reminds me of the innocence of a child and how they see life through thier eyes. I also remind myself that no matter how hard things are I have been blessed with the most precious gift of all.... a child! That makes all my worries go away and I just sit there and watch the peaceful sleeping of the best thing that has ever happened to my life!
12... Reorganize... I find that when I am stressed or upset reorganizing is my way of giving myself a fresh start and the ability to see things in a new way. It may be something small like moving a knick-knack from here to there to redoing a whole room. Whatever it be it works for me.
13... Sleep... or try to sleep! On top of suffering from depression I also suffer from insomnia! So it is hard to get to sleep at night! But once I do get to sleep I am able to relax and let my body recharge! When I wake up I feel better and am able to start on a new page!




Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

1. e
2. Kailani
3. Deanna
4. Jenny Ryan
5. Benson659
6. Nancy
7. Kelli
8. Kristarella
9. Southern Girl
10. Something's Missing
11. TC
12. Nicole (the great)
13. Barbara
14. Lyn
15. Dane Bramage
16. Mama Duck
17. Zoe
18. You Could Be Here!



Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

A Meme

I found this meme while I was reading another blog tonight and I thought it would be a perfect blog to post since I don't know what to say today. I have a lot of thoughts running through my head but havent been able to put them into words yet! lol

Your Birthdate: October 18

You are a cohesive force - able to bring many people together for a common cause. You tend to excel in work situations, but you also facilitate a lot of social gatherings too. Beyond being a good leader, you are good at inspiring others. You also keep your powerful emotions in check - you know when to emote and when to repress. Your strength: Emotional maturity beyond your years Your weakness: Wearing yourself down with too many responsibilities Your power color: Crimson red Your power symbol: Snowflake Your power month: September

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Tonight I really hate drunk people!

Tonight we decided to go out for a few drinks... me, T and her mom. What do we end up doing? First T drags us to Aylmer to a BX93 video dance party which was ok but I just could not get into a groove to dance so a little thumbs down... good music but just wasnt in the mood! Ya you must think something is wrong with me cause I really love to dance and do it every chance I get! After we were done there we decided to make last call at Norma Jeans all the way back in London! Did we make itÉ Yes we did! Now when we got there I was in the mood to dance and stepped on the dance floor right away! But do you think I could dance? Noooooo... first it is a really small dance floor and there were too many people but ok I am used to that. What I couldnt handle and really hate is all the people that are drunk and bump into you... you finally find a way to move away from them so that you can dance and what do they do they follow you and take over the space that you just left!! Man I was ready to start shoving some people back because I am not a bumper pad for drunk people on the dance floor!!! I hate to disappoint you but we left in time that I didnt have to resort to bumping and shoving back... or running at the mouth that I sometimes like to do.... instead we went outside, grabbed a sausage at the vendor and got into our car and drove home... and just so you know we werent drunk so that is maybe why it pissed me off that much more! lol well hey if none of that happened then I guess I wouldnt have had anything to post about now would I? Anyways it is 3am and I need sleep.... I have been tired all day so now it is catching up to me and I can barely keep my eyes open! Have a good one!

Thursday Thirteen #1

Thirteen Things about Me... LadyLaker!




1... I am 27 and still get carded everywhere! *lol*
2... I am a Libra
3... I am a proud single mother
4... My son is my world and my everything!
5... I am very creative in many different ways
6... I love to sing and dance!
7... I am very outspoken and not afraid to say what is on my mind
8... I will write letters of complaint if I think it is necessary! *lol*
9... I will do anything for the people that I care about
10. I am a fairly new blogger and am having fun learning all sorts of things! (thanks Jacq!)
11.. I suffer from insomnia so don't be surprised to see that I have posted at 3 in the morning!
12.. I have had sex with someone of the same sex as me once
13.. I am very competetive! *lol*




Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

1. e
2. Kailani
3. Deanna
4. Jenny Ryan
5. Benson659
6. Nancy
7. You could be here!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Hot Spots From My Holidays

OK I am back from my mini vacation in Barrie where I went to visit family and friends. To be honest I had a great time. I was able to relax! And I was amazed that other than a mini fight with my sister the night before I was heading back home it was a peaceful visit... I guess we all remembered to smoke our peacepipes before I got there! *lol*
Ok in all honesty I loved it... I did go out a little but for the most part I stuck close to the house and enjoyed the time with my parents and my sister's family who live in the basement! It was nice to see my nephew for a few days without being rushed! He is such a cutie and he had a great time playing with Robert! He would come up the stairs every morning hollering for Robert to join him for breakfast! It was sweet!
We also had many trips to the nursing home to see Nonna. She wasn't too pleased with me when I moved Robert and I here to London and she misses us very much. Even through all her pain and psych meds she was able to enjoy our little trips for coffee each day. Robert is one of her little benne ricca's and he loves going to visit her and everyone else at the nursing home! It was nice to see her for more than a few minutes since we don't know exactly how much long she will be with us. I keep telling everyone that even though her health isn't that great she is from a family of strong Italian women where they tend to live long lives. I think she will fight as long as she can!
I also got to go out for dinner with a few friends to a bar/restaurant called Sticky Fingers. We were going to check out one of the cooks that my friend Kathy has a thing for... he is not bad! The fun part was how we were all plotting on how we would embarrass her! We didn't of course but it was fun to see her face go red anyways! After dinner that night Kathy, Kim and I decided to go out for some drinks and dancing. I thought it would be nice to go to a club that I used to in the old days.. mistake... I forgot about the feeling of being a sardine and I didn't like the fact that we were almost the oldest people there. We decided to leave and go back to Sticky's and let Kathy oogle over her cook! We had a blast... she thought he would think it crazy that we were there twice in one night but Kim and I played drunk really well and he didn't think twice... men are so easy to fool! *lol*
But as far as that story goes that is not the end! We went back for dinner the night before I had to come home so that Kathy could spend some time with Robert. This time it was Kathy, Robert and I and Kathy's highschool friend Cheri. We once again had a blast teasing Kathy about her cook and then it dawned on me... when the waitress brought us our bill there was aa comment card with it. I decided to comment on the restaurant as well as thank Joe for the wonderful food he had cooked us... Kathy read it and was scared about me handing it in! Well I gave it to the waitress and she put it in the comment box for me!!! I know I am so mean... but that isn't all! I also wrote her cell number on a napkin and asked another waitor that we knew dave to give it to Joe for Kathy. She couldn't believe what I did... that time her face was really red and I think she was ready to kill me! *lol* Don't worry I knew that I was allowed to give him her number before hand I just did it in a way that she didn't expect and was funny! And it all worked out in the end cause as she told me later she ended up hanging out with him later in the night! See I am a good friend even if it takes a while to realize it! Ha ha ha!
So all in all that was pretty much my trip to Barrie... or at least the highlites other than our usual trips for family dinners at Eastside Mario's with Nonna or to the Manderin since we all love Chinese food so much! I hope I didn`t disappoint you! *grins*

Taking a Break

Just wanted to let everyone know that I am taking a break for a week. I am going to go to Barrie to spend some time with family and friends! I am very excited and cant wait to see everyone! I dont know if I will get the chance to get online at all while I am there so that is why I am letting you know where I am going to be! Have a great week everyone and I will post about my vacation when I get back!

Rain, Rain Go Away... Come Back Another Day!

Well as you must have guess it is raining here today... and it is quite a storm! *lol* Well normally I wouldn't mind the rain but today I planned on borrowing the neighbours lawn mower since ours broke and cut our grass that desperately needs it!!! It is just my luck that when I plan a day of outside work that it rains so that I can't do it! At this rate by the time the weather is nice and I am able to borrow a lawn mower or get mine back from the person that is fixing it our yard will be a jungle and twice as hard to cut! *lol* Well hopefully tomorrow is a nicer day and I am able to cut it then cause I really can't wait too much longer to cut the grass! One thing that I will be grateful to the storm for is if it is nice enough to break this humidity! It is just crazy as to how humid it is... thank god I sleep in the basement and with my fan running it is cooler than the upstairs where we have a small window air conditioner running! *smiles* Well anyways I am going to keep this short and sweet and mosey on out to the living room to wait this storm out with my son as we watch the new superman movie! Have a good one and don't get too wet!

My Hidden Talent?!?!

Your Hidden Talent

You have the natural talent of rocking the boat, thwarting the system. And while this may not seem big, it can be. It's people like you who serve as the catalysts to major cultural changes. You're just a bit behind the scenes, so no one really notices.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

Do I Really Look Like Them? LOL

I snagged this blog idea from my friend and thought that I would give it a try! What you do is you go to My Heritage and when you upload your pic they will search through thier database to see what celebrities you look like... the results I have found are based on the picture that you uses so for the fun of it you may wanna try different pics with different facial expressions etc and see what you come up with... I had a blast with this tonite while talking to my sister on the phone! The picture that I used at the side is the only one that I have and then I only posted a few out of the 10 pics they gave me as a result! LOL I did see what the results were for other people in my family tho like my sister, her son, my son and my Nona... I almost peed my pants I was laughing so hard!!!! Anyways give it a try and see what results you come up with! If you do post it let me know and I will pop by and comment! I just thought this was really fun!

Five Things

5 things in my fridge:
1: Milk
2: Yoghurt
3: Beer... that's T's!
4: Purple Jello
5: Pickles

5 things in my closet:
1: Sweaters
2: PJ's
3: Towels
4: socks and underwear on top shelf in a basket
5: Dress Pants and Dress Shirts

5 things in my purse/wallet
1: Christmas pic of Robert and I
2: Robert's and my birth certificates
3: twenty five cents
4: Bus pass
5: Temporary tatoos for the kids

There was a section for things in the car or trunk but I dont drive so there was no use doing that one so I deleted it... lol!

Lovin The New Face Lift!

Well as you can see my blog has undergone a new face lift! I am really loving it and it is all thanks to my wonderful friend Jacquleyn! Don't you think she did a fantastic job? This is definitely a look that is more my style cause it is bold and stands out and very dramatic!!!
Well now that I have this new look and room to add more features to my blog I am going to have to play arround with it and see what I can come up with... so keep your eye out for what is to come as I still have no idea what I really want to do with it... it all depends on what I learn to do or find that I really like! You will just have to wait and see and keep coming back to find out!!! lol
While you are waiting for me to work on my new masterpiece you should go and check out Jacquelyn's blog ... she has a really nice blog there too!

Food For Thought...

You got it! Today I am writing about the home of the golden arches! If your child is like mine then this is his or her favourite place to eat and play! Well today I am posting my opinion on thier menu choices and healthy food options that they provide or lack to provide! In particular I am writing about thier Happy Meal choices!
As we all know McDonald's strives to provide thier customers with healthy eating choices. They advertise on T.V. about keeping active and keeping fit. They realize how obesity is overwhelmingly high in our day and age because of our fast paced lifestyles and need for fast food, so have decided over the past several years to provide us with menu items such as salads, sandwiches and thier yoghurt parfait. This is thier attempt to help us with our goal to eat healthier and live healthier.
What I don't understand is within this goal they have forgotten about the children. The number of obese children has risen over the years as well due to our busy lifestyles and eating fast food more often than we used to. When you look at all the healthy food choices that are available on thier regular food menu and then take a look at the choices on the kids menu you see that it is lacking! There is no choice other than apple slices to go along with thier meals.
You see why I am bringing this up is because as a parent of a child that enjoys and wants to eat healthy he isn't given the room to choose to do so. He would rather have a small salad with his kidsmeal than a handful of frenchfries but when we asked if he could do so we were told abrubptly that he could not. He would have to order everything seperately and miss out on the toy because to order everything that way would be more expensive and I would not be able to buy the toy! So therefore because he is a kid and wants that toy he gives in to the lack choices that are available and takes the fries that he doesnt want. I don't understand why my child isn't given that choice when I as an adult am able to choose a salad with my meal. Do they not want our children to eat healthy as well?
I am actually quite disappointed on this issue because I feel that my son, even though he is only 5, has made a valid point about wanting to be able to eat healthy within a foodchain that advertises to do so. I have actually taken it upon myself to write a letter to head office to complain about this and also to suggest that they add salad and other healthy food choices as an option for our kids. I don't know if the Mcdonald's food chain has thought about this at all, or if it has been over looked, but it needs to be brought to thier attention. I am asking that if you agree with me that our children need to have healthy food choices as an option on thier menu at McDonald's then please do your child a favour and write your own letter to them. Click here for contact info

Meeting People Online

If you are a person that is on your computer all the time then I am sure you meet people all the time will online. I know I do... I talk to new people all the time. What I have never been able to bring myself to do is meet someone in person that I have met over the computer. I fear they are not going to be what they claim they are or that they expected me to be someone that I am not. Also most of the people that ask to meet me are usually wanting one thing that I am not willing to give to a stranger... and that is sex. I am sorry but I have respect for myself and cant bring myself to that low of a standard and if you cant accept that then I definitely dont want to meet you.

Well I have now found someone after 12 or so years of talking to people on my computer that I am willing to meet in person. We talk about everything and anything that comes to mind... and the last thing that we talk about is climbing into bed to have sex. We talk about life and the experiences that we have had... or what we would still like to get out of life. This person puts a smile on my face just by being true to himself and accepting me for who I am. I have mentioned a goal that I would like to work towards and this person is willing to help me achieve it with no strings attatched. I think it is cool and I cant wait to see where this takes us... to find out what adventures are arround the corner once the barrier of the computer is taken away! Of course I am nervous but it is a good nervous... those butterflies in your stomache when you are experiencing something good.... not knowing what to expect next! When the time comes I will let you know how it goes and if my gut instinct was right... I am not saying there will be a romantic relationship cause even I dont know if that is what I want... but I do hope that a good friendships is in store!

Need A New Look!!!

So I have decided that I need a new look for my blogsite!!!! I don't mind the appearance right now but it just isn't what I want... it just doesn't say anything to me!! My dilema is I dont know how to change the appearance... a friend gave me a link to check out but from what I could find she took all the good ones! LOL also I don't know anything about HTML codes and most of the places that I found that had cool sites required you to know what you were doing cause it isnt cut and paste like in my myspace site!!! LOL I am loving what I am learning but for what I want to do I just am not learning fast enough!!! I guess I will just have to beg on my hands and knees for someone to help me get this place to look more appealing to me!!! How am I supposed to blog and write good stuff if I don't have a good vibe in the place that I am writing! LOL
Anyways I don't know who all reads this but if anyone can help me and/or has any great ideas for what I can do (keeping my purple kiss as the profile pic) then please feel free to leave me your suggestions in a comment. Please wish me luck as I journey into this new world of HTML codes!!! It is a very scary place when you dont know what you are doing! lol

0

Baby Crush.....

Well Robert and I have officially graduated from the FAST program that we were attending at his school every wednesday for 8 weeks. Robert is really upset that the program is over but he really enjoyed it while we were there. I think the best thing in his eyes that he has gained from the program is a crush!!! Yes one of the girls that was there with us has a crush on Robert!!! She comes up and hugs him all the time and bats her eyelashes at him and talks about him all the time!! Tonight she even came up and snuggled her head into his shoulder as if that was where she belonged!! Her mom even told me that she is disappointed that Robert won't be at that school next year because her daughter will be heartbroken!! I told her that just because they won't be going to the same school doesnt mean that they cannot remain friends... we exchanged numbers and decided we will arrange play dates for them where they can get to know each other since they are in opposit classes in school right now and she only met him when we started the FAST program! I just cant get over how bad she is crushing over my son! Robert really has never had an interest in girls but he is just loving the attention that he is getting from her!!! She is a sweet girl so I hope Robert doesnt end up breaking her little heart too bad!!!

0

I am happy for him.....

As we all know Chris Daughtry got voted off AI last night.... at first I was devestated and heartbroken.. but now I am happy for him because I found out that he has been given an offer from the band Fuel to be thier lead singer. I hope he takes it cause he is perfect for the part!!! BUT... what has been making me think is this whole conspiracy theory that has been going around about the votes... supposedly if you called to vote for Chris the number didnt work... or if you did vote then you didnt get the regular confirmation that you normally do... maybe it was his way of getting voted off so he could take this deal.

Well even though I love Chris to pieces I hope that isnt the case... he entered this contest and should finish it honestly... I dont think there should be the option to get yourself voted off so that you can accept another deal other than the one you are going for... that just makes for an unfair playing field cause you know that things can be changed... I am sorry but I dont agree with it.

Now dont get me wrong.. I am and always will be a Chris Daughtry fan so wherever he goes I go... but I just hope that I am wrong about how they all went about it... and of course we will never know the truth!!!

0

Totally Frustrated

Well here I am today frustrated to all ends. My son is driving me up the wall and we are on the express lane. My son's body has been taken over by a stranger and I want him back. The child that I am trying to raise right now is not who my son is... my son is well mannered and well behaved amongst other things. This child now does everything to push my buttons.... everything from flat out telling me no when I ask him to do something to flat out lying to me when he knows that he is going to get in trouble. You may think that he is only 5 and it will change... but what about my sanity until then? As his only parent who has to play the role of mother and father is it not my sole job to teach him what he is doing is unacceptable? Am I not supposed to do everything that I can to correct this behaviour to help shape the kind of man that he is going to grow up to be? Well I am at a loss as to how I am to do this. If there is a manual out there somewhere I would like to see it so that I can put an end to this and let us get back to our happy lives.
I don't want to fight all the time any more, I want to be able to talk to my child without worrying about what the outcome is going to be... is he going to listen or is he going to freak. I try to talk our problems out with him but I don't think it is really working. I am at my wits end and I dont know where to go... if this doesnt change soon I might end up breaking down and then what good am I to my son... it just seems like it is a no win situation right now.

0

Just A Release

Why do we always worry about love and being in love? Why do we always worry about where and when it is going to happen? Why do we dwell on the pains of our past loves and let them lurk in the shaddows of our heart to shape and mould or thoughts of love of today and maybe even tomorrow? Even if we were to fall in love there is always the thought that this is too good to be true and the shadows of our past pains and heartache wait to jump out and strike again until you lose all love that you have. I have been in love a few times but as you can tell I have had my heart broken to the point that I am scared to fall in love again. I keep my heart protected by bitterness and chains with locks that dont have any keys. I am scared that if I allow myself to fall in love again that my already fragile heart will get broken again to the point it will not be able to mend itself. Instead of allowing myself to fall in love I push those close to me away so that I am the only one responsible for the pain that I may feel. It is a contradiction in a sort because I long to be loved but am unable to allow it to happen. You think that you know me but really you dont... no one is able to know me cause half the time I dont even know myself. My mind is a ticking bomb with so many thoughts and images racing through it that it makes me dizzy and difficult to keep up. My thoughts keep me awake at night to the point I sit here and watch the hands on the clock reach 3 and 4 in the morning. I may be tired by body but my mind is still racing with thoughts that I dont want to think... thoughts that hide in the shaddows of my consciousness until I get ready to close my eyes at night... so here I sit rambling on waiting for my mind to go numb from exhaustion in hopes of a peaceful sleep. A sleep with no thoughts and hopefully no dreams... or dreams that I am unable to remember once I wake from my short slumber. I cannot rely on sleeping pills to help me sleep cause I am a mother that has to listen for her child in the night and besides I hate pills so I would end up forgetting to take them anyways. I try to keep a journal or a diary so that I can empty my thoughts on to paper but unless I am stoned the paper sits there unmarked by my pen because I dont know where to begin or how to get the thoughts that race through my head onto that blank piece of paper. And no I am not high right now I am in one of those rare frame of minds where I am able to ramble on and the words are just flowing through my finger tips and onto the keys of my keyboard. You see I am just a messed up person with messed up thoughts that seem to have taken over my life. All is well during the daylight hours cause I am able to keep myself busy and push the thoughts deep into my subconsciousness... but it seems that they lurk in the darkness and when I should be preparing to wind down so that I am able to sleep the race begins and there is never an end is sight... I just sit up awake until the wee hours of the morning waiting for either my eyelids to get to heavy to stay open or until my mind is numb enough to fall asleep...

0

Introducing the one the only .... Crazy LadyLaker

Well it is me... the Crazy LadyLaker! Here is my place to ramble on about anything and everything that I want and it doesnt have to make sense cause I never do anyways! Feel free to read whatever you want and comment on whatever you want but please just remember these are my blogs and my thoughts at the time of writing the blog! I am allowed to change my opinion at the drop of a dime and I am allowed to say whatever I want cause this is my space! I am using this place to release all pent up thoughts that have been locked in my head for as long as I can remember... there may be times that I end up repeating myself but I will try my best not to.. but no promises. You have to remember that I am a single mother and I am living in a house where both adults have twisted minds and there are three children that all have different unique ways of thinking and behaving.. you will learn maybe what I am talking about as time goes on and I post more blogs. Well I may be back later to post again but for now this is tootle-loo and bye for now!

0