An Inner Thought....

Have you ever sat and wondered why? I have many times. For many different reasons. Yet I don't always get an answer to my why. Maybe one day I will. One day I hope to find the answer to my why and then be able to understand.
This "why" is very personal and is a part of my very being. I ask myself why it is so hard to find a true love that will stay with me. To share with me a life of love and honour and commitment. Of friendship and trust and passion. Of the great and the bad and the indifference. To share my heart and my mind and my body and soul. Everything that I have to offer.
I seem to be good enough for part but never the whole. To play and pretend but never for real. Never forever. Never as a happy ending.
Just tell me why and maybe it will no longer hinder me and who I am. Who I want to be and who I will become. Just tell me why so that I can fill the empty void within me.

Very Frustrated and Feeling Used....

I just don't understand what the problem is. Why all of a sudden things have changed. I was so excited to have you back in my life and things were going great between us. I knew and accepted that there are limits to the thing we have going on, but this is just crazy. I don't understand why after what I had done for you you are treating me this way. I just don't understand how hard it is to say hello or hey or just a simple message back letting me know you are still there.
You told me that you didn't want to ruin a good thing yet I am wondering how good you actually think it is. I feel used and played and just totally frustrated with how things seem to have played out. I am starting to think that it was just a too good to be true moment or something for you until something better came along. Is that what it was? I would really like to know. Well I hope that you can come to your senses soon and realize that I deserve at least an ounce of respect and consideration through all this, and if you have changed your mind as to what you want from me then at least be man enough to tell me.
I really like what I thought we had going on and really don't want to end it but I will not be treated like this. Above and beyond the crap we are still friends and friends don't do this to each other.
I hope you find it in yourself to be man enough to give me answers. I can only be patient for so long before I give up and write off to the whole thing and say be done with it.

Just Some Rambling...

It has been 1o years since I have last seen you or even heard your voice and then the other day you literally pop back into my life. It is like nothing has changed... we have picked up where we left off. The energy is still the same and you are still able to make me feel the way you did all those years ago. Yet you are many miles away and I wish you were near. Over the years you have never been a memory forgotten, many times I have wondered where you were and what you were up to. You are someone that has always held a special place within my heart, kept locked away to be cherished forever, never to be forgotten. Just the mention of your name and memories come flooding back to me. Moments we had shared over the course of time... always putting a smile on my face and keeping me wanting moreI have always felt that a strong connection between two people is there for a reason. Sometimes the reason is unknown but yet you cannot fight it nor do you want to. I sit here and think about all the things we have said and done and wonder what there is to come. Back then you were able to open me up to new ideas and possibilities, stretching my heart and mind beyond its abilities... and here I find you doing it still leaving me wondering who I really am and what I am truly capable of. You are a shining light in the darkness of my lonely existence.
~yours in all sincerity~
Me