Need A New Look!!!

So I have decided that I need a new look for my blogsite!!!! I don't mind the appearance right now but it just isn't what I want... it just doesn't say anything to me!! My dilema is I dont know how to change the appearance... a friend gave me a link to check out but from what I could find she took all the good ones! LOL also I don't know anything about HTML codes and most of the places that I found that had cool sites required you to know what you were doing cause it isnt cut and paste like in my myspace site!!! LOL I am loving what I am learning but for what I want to do I just am not learning fast enough!!! I guess I will just have to beg on my hands and knees for someone to help me get this place to look more appealing to me!!! How am I supposed to blog and write good stuff if I don't have a good vibe in the place that I am writing! LOL
Anyways I don't know who all reads this but if anyone can help me and/or has any great ideas for what I can do (keeping my purple kiss as the profile pic) then please feel free to leave me your suggestions in a comment. Please wish me luck as I journey into this new world of HTML codes!!! It is a very scary place when you dont know what you are doing! lol

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Baby Crush.....

Well Robert and I have officially graduated from the FAST program that we were attending at his school every wednesday for 8 weeks. Robert is really upset that the program is over but he really enjoyed it while we were there. I think the best thing in his eyes that he has gained from the program is a crush!!! Yes one of the girls that was there with us has a crush on Robert!!! She comes up and hugs him all the time and bats her eyelashes at him and talks about him all the time!! Tonight she even came up and snuggled her head into his shoulder as if that was where she belonged!! Her mom even told me that she is disappointed that Robert won't be at that school next year because her daughter will be heartbroken!! I told her that just because they won't be going to the same school doesnt mean that they cannot remain friends... we exchanged numbers and decided we will arrange play dates for them where they can get to know each other since they are in opposit classes in school right now and she only met him when we started the FAST program! I just cant get over how bad she is crushing over my son! Robert really has never had an interest in girls but he is just loving the attention that he is getting from her!!! She is a sweet girl so I hope Robert doesnt end up breaking her little heart too bad!!!

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I am happy for him.....

As we all know Chris Daughtry got voted off AI last night.... at first I was devestated and heartbroken.. but now I am happy for him because I found out that he has been given an offer from the band Fuel to be thier lead singer. I hope he takes it cause he is perfect for the part!!! BUT... what has been making me think is this whole conspiracy theory that has been going around about the votes... supposedly if you called to vote for Chris the number didnt work... or if you did vote then you didnt get the regular confirmation that you normally do... maybe it was his way of getting voted off so he could take this deal.

Well even though I love Chris to pieces I hope that isnt the case... he entered this contest and should finish it honestly... I dont think there should be the option to get yourself voted off so that you can accept another deal other than the one you are going for... that just makes for an unfair playing field cause you know that things can be changed... I am sorry but I dont agree with it.

Now dont get me wrong.. I am and always will be a Chris Daughtry fan so wherever he goes I go... but I just hope that I am wrong about how they all went about it... and of course we will never know the truth!!!

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Totally Frustrated

Well here I am today frustrated to all ends. My son is driving me up the wall and we are on the express lane. My son's body has been taken over by a stranger and I want him back. The child that I am trying to raise right now is not who my son is... my son is well mannered and well behaved amongst other things. This child now does everything to push my buttons.... everything from flat out telling me no when I ask him to do something to flat out lying to me when he knows that he is going to get in trouble. You may think that he is only 5 and it will change... but what about my sanity until then? As his only parent who has to play the role of mother and father is it not my sole job to teach him what he is doing is unacceptable? Am I not supposed to do everything that I can to correct this behaviour to help shape the kind of man that he is going to grow up to be? Well I am at a loss as to how I am to do this. If there is a manual out there somewhere I would like to see it so that I can put an end to this and let us get back to our happy lives.
I don't want to fight all the time any more, I want to be able to talk to my child without worrying about what the outcome is going to be... is he going to listen or is he going to freak. I try to talk our problems out with him but I don't think it is really working. I am at my wits end and I dont know where to go... if this doesnt change soon I might end up breaking down and then what good am I to my son... it just seems like it is a no win situation right now.

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Just A Release

Why do we always worry about love and being in love? Why do we always worry about where and when it is going to happen? Why do we dwell on the pains of our past loves and let them lurk in the shaddows of our heart to shape and mould or thoughts of love of today and maybe even tomorrow? Even if we were to fall in love there is always the thought that this is too good to be true and the shadows of our past pains and heartache wait to jump out and strike again until you lose all love that you have. I have been in love a few times but as you can tell I have had my heart broken to the point that I am scared to fall in love again. I keep my heart protected by bitterness and chains with locks that dont have any keys. I am scared that if I allow myself to fall in love again that my already fragile heart will get broken again to the point it will not be able to mend itself. Instead of allowing myself to fall in love I push those close to me away so that I am the only one responsible for the pain that I may feel. It is a contradiction in a sort because I long to be loved but am unable to allow it to happen. You think that you know me but really you dont... no one is able to know me cause half the time I dont even know myself. My mind is a ticking bomb with so many thoughts and images racing through it that it makes me dizzy and difficult to keep up. My thoughts keep me awake at night to the point I sit here and watch the hands on the clock reach 3 and 4 in the morning. I may be tired by body but my mind is still racing with thoughts that I dont want to think... thoughts that hide in the shaddows of my consciousness until I get ready to close my eyes at night... so here I sit rambling on waiting for my mind to go numb from exhaustion in hopes of a peaceful sleep. A sleep with no thoughts and hopefully no dreams... or dreams that I am unable to remember once I wake from my short slumber. I cannot rely on sleeping pills to help me sleep cause I am a mother that has to listen for her child in the night and besides I hate pills so I would end up forgetting to take them anyways. I try to keep a journal or a diary so that I can empty my thoughts on to paper but unless I am stoned the paper sits there unmarked by my pen because I dont know where to begin or how to get the thoughts that race through my head onto that blank piece of paper. And no I am not high right now I am in one of those rare frame of minds where I am able to ramble on and the words are just flowing through my finger tips and onto the keys of my keyboard. You see I am just a messed up person with messed up thoughts that seem to have taken over my life. All is well during the daylight hours cause I am able to keep myself busy and push the thoughts deep into my subconsciousness... but it seems that they lurk in the darkness and when I should be preparing to wind down so that I am able to sleep the race begins and there is never an end is sight... I just sit up awake until the wee hours of the morning waiting for either my eyelids to get to heavy to stay open or until my mind is numb enough to fall asleep...

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Introducing the one the only .... Crazy LadyLaker

Well it is me... the Crazy LadyLaker! Here is my place to ramble on about anything and everything that I want and it doesnt have to make sense cause I never do anyways! Feel free to read whatever you want and comment on whatever you want but please just remember these are my blogs and my thoughts at the time of writing the blog! I am allowed to change my opinion at the drop of a dime and I am allowed to say whatever I want cause this is my space! I am using this place to release all pent up thoughts that have been locked in my head for as long as I can remember... there may be times that I end up repeating myself but I will try my best not to.. but no promises. You have to remember that I am a single mother and I am living in a house where both adults have twisted minds and there are three children that all have different unique ways of thinking and behaving.. you will learn maybe what I am talking about as time goes on and I post more blogs. Well I may be back later to post again but for now this is tootle-loo and bye for now!

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